Saturday, November 13, 2004

I Have Nothing Better to Do, So I'm Posting Here

I realized something today. All my life I strove to not be seen as "nerdy", or "geeky"; labels that come all too quickly when one is a math genius and likes computers more than people. But what if it's not that bad? I just spent my entire friday night with little to no human contact (and what contact I had was unintentional), and I ENJOYED it. I watched seven hours of Stargate SG-1 episodes without a break, from 3 until 10. Then - get this - I get a knock on my door, and it turns out to be three attractive females that want me to go to some stupid "pub night" or something... (that, by the way, was the extent of my human contact). I turned them down; it was the only logical thing to do, because I had already decided that I wanted to watch Return of the Jedi. Oh, and I drank an entire 2-liter bottle of Coke.

So, I'm thinking that if I have fun doing stuff like this, then why should I change? Why should I leave my room, and run the risk (and a large risk it is) of social humiliation? The only things that I have to fear in here are malnutrition and computer breakdowns. Yes, I suppose that's what keeps me in here. Fear. Fear that I will go out there and not know how to interact with other people. Not be able to adapt to changing situations. Fear that I will do something so incredibly stupid that I will never be forgiven. And judging from my past, that has a large probability of occuring.

It's interesting what one will write, when one knows that (in theory) the entire world can access it, and yet nobody will read it. I'm sure it reveals some part of the mind that isn't normally seen. But now I'm talking about psychology, which puts me way out of my depth. I'm an engineer, dammit! And until we get to the point where we can re-engineer the human mind, I'll be perfectly happy with inanimate objects.

So I guess that's all that I will write tonight. I'm sure that tomorrow night will be just as interesting; although I need to download some more Stargate. I really need to get a hobby...


Blogger Kyrie said...

Mmm SG1 my favorite. I just started watching it over from the beginning. Nothings better then SG1...except vs blue. (In case you haven't seen it) I'd highly recommend it. Of course you have to start at the beginning or it won't make any sense. Anyway as for the rest of your post about social humliation and all that, don't worry about it sweetie, you'll live through it and its unlikely that anyone that saw it will still be someone you talk to in five years.

2:23 AM  
Blogger Raleigh said...

Kyle- I find your post very interesting because (and I'm assuming here, but...) your fear of humiliation over powers your desire to get laid thus keeping you inside. Wow. You must be scared as hell. You seem like you would be interesting to talk to. If you are ever bored enough to e-mail a complete stranger I wouldn't mind if it was me. And I'm American and Canadians are generally cooler than us so I'd enjoy it just because of that alone. Have fun with Stargate.

2:23 AM  
Blogger kyle90 said...

Well, you are spot-on in assuming that my fear of humiliation overpowers my desire to get laid. However, there is a factor that you have not considered. My computer. That's right; if I didn't have such a freakin' awesome computer I would probably overcome my fear pretty quickly and go meet people, just from sheer boredom. But as it stands currently, my computer can entertain me far more than any human has ever been able to (150 gigs of movies, 40 gigs of pirated software, 15 gigs of porn; need I say more), and thus contributes to my unwillingness to ever be more than 5 meters away from it.

5:26 PM  
Blogger TutorCampus said...

Hi Kyle. I saw that you're a student in Toronto. I'm originally from Whitby.

I just wanted to let you know that I help run a website that connects tutors with students. It's a great opportunity to network your skills as a student.

Go to if you're interested in either becoming a tutor or if you need a tutor at any point.


7:19 PM  
Blogger Recusant said...

Kyle, have you ever considered that you may have Asperger's syndrome (a very mild form of autism)? Being able to identify with something as logical as a computer more easily than a human being is a classic sign of this.

12:44 PM  

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